Pour Into Them: The Roots of Emotional Sobriety

JoAnna Brannan
Jul 24
5 min read

“…whosoever will be great among you, Let him be your minister; And whosoever will be chief among you, let him be your servant: Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto, But to minister, and to give his life a ransom for so many.” — Matthew 20:26-28 (KJV)

Living a life free from the vices that bind us—while in pursuit of healing from generational traumas and the character defects that often define us—comes the obligation to pay forward the same gifts and knowledge which gave the freedom in the first place. ‘To minister’ is a big concept and might bring to mind images of suited or collared people that thump a leather-bound book and can feel quite judgement. If you’re like me, you’ve experienced some hurt in the guise of ministering.

If you feel trepidation, triggers of trauma, guilt or shame because of it, I want you to know you’re in good company and those feelings are valid.

For many, many years, walking into a church put me in full fight and flight, like simultaneously, and made my attempt at connecting with a Higher Power and people nearly impossible. So what I’m saying with today’s blog is that you’re in a safe place because I’m not about the shame-game. To anyone out there who really wants to know my stance, listen up! There’s no room for hell, fire, and damnation in recovery. None. Zero. Nada. Too many of us are walking around bruised and damaged to deal with the nonsense; so if you can’t say something nice, then zip it. With that being said, let us continue.

The word “ministry,” as referenced in the book of Matthew, doesn’t have to trigger trauma or result in harm. I like the phrase, “pouring into people;” as it illustrates the giving of something I possess; a listening ear, prayer for and with people, a kind or encouraging word, all of which allow me the giver, to give a gift that will fill the one who receives. It’s leaving someone better than you found them, and that, blog buds, is exactly what someone in recovery needs.

When we’re new to sobriety, we may not feel like we have much to offer. I made a commitment to just say people’s names when the opportunity presented itself. Since then it’s become a habit: when I see a name tag, I use that information to communicate recognition of the person wearing it, no matter how I’m feeling or what my status is at the moment. After all, to be seen and heard is sometimes the greatest gift we can give to one another.

Here's the snag: sometimes our tanks are pretty empty. For instance, people really freaked me out when I was newly sober. I was a timid, feral cat. It wasn’t until I watched Stitch, our rescue that was also timid and feral, that I could see this behavior in myself. Stitch was a lurker, always looking for the safest angle, and would scurry in and out of the rooms in our house using shadows. I would scurry in and out of recovery meetings without making eye contact or communicating with the others in the room. Add to that my notion of not being good enough to deserve friendship and wham-o! Unfriendly and sad Jojo was what people got.

*If you’ve heard me speak of my ‘feral nature,’ I apologize. It’s just that it was my very cracked foundation and the starting place of my recovery. I had to acknowledge it then and feel obliged to recall it now for anyone who might need to know they’re not alone in their own feral-ness.

As work in recovery went on, I did an inventory, to help review my part in relationships and other pertinent areas of my life. One of the things I learned through this process was when I feel hurt by someone or something, I often catch my outward actions and words saying, “It just doesn’t matter.” On the inside, the gremlin voices of my low self-esteem repeat that “I just don’t matter.”

Self-talk is real, and in this instance harmful. To elevate myself from Ms. Frumpy Feral, I had to get intentional about what was going on inside while also working on what I shared outside.

These aren’t easy admissions, so why am I being personable and vulnerable?

a. Because this blog is my truth, a way this feral girl can pour into you…from a safe place behind my computer screen. (I know, I’m still working on those face-to-face interactions.)

b. Also, I believe that by serving/ministering/pouring into other people, our broken parts can be made whole. Like using gold to reform a broken piece of porcelain. (I love that concept.)

c. And most importantly, because I’m doing my best to give back what has been so freely given to me.

In recovery, other addicts have poured into me by reinforcing the notion that we all have something to offer, that there is a place in society for us. “Start small,” they would say. “Be intentional. Love and tolerance are our code,” and so the slogans go on. My favorite is “practice, not perfection,” because that’s the whole dang point. We’re just people. I don’t have to stop being feral overnight, and it’s okay if I’m better with interactions one day and not so much the next. It’s practice!

So, are you ready to begin pouring into others? The name we put on it doesn’t matter, for when we minister to the heart, we are doing God’s work and we have his promises to guide us, protect us, and make us strong. I’m learning to lean into those promises today. Once my faith was shallow, barren, and refused (self-will) to produce fruit. God is in the growth and will steadily teach us to trust in Him. This will give us roots in strong emotional sobriety. Let’s pick up this thought when we meet at the fire ring next.

Remember—

You are important to me.

I value your presence in my life.

And I’m grateful to hold space for you.

Your investment in reading this blog fills my tank. A million times over, thank you!

From the Fire Ring Blog, Vol. 4, No. 5

"So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other. Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples." —John 13: 34-35 NLT

Help is Hope.

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